Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.
What do you call a cow who's just given birth? De-calf-inated!
A lady came into the kitchen, sat down at the table, leaned forward, put her head in her hands and said to her husband "Honey, I feel terrible! My head hurts, my back's killing me and my left breast just burns and burns." He said "I'm gonna help you, Dear. I'll get you some aspirins for the headache, I'll rub your back with Myoflex for the backache, and if you'll sit up and get your breast out of the coffee, it'll stop burning!"
A man went to his psychiatrist and said, "Every time I drink my coffee, I get a stabbing pain in my right eye," the psychiatrist said, "well, have you tried taking the spoon out?"
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